Sheltons Organic Turkey

if I empty out all the unimportant stuff here, maybe there'll be more room in my head for important things

name: shelton brett
location: western u.s.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Revenge of the Sith premiere

Last night I went to my first midnight premiere of a movie, ever, and it will probably be my last. Not so much because I can't get excited about a movie, but more because the kind of people that go to these premieres. You had your "gotta be cool" kind of high schoolers that think barking out irreverent phrases is going to increase their rank in their social hierarchy. You have your mid-40s single guys with nothing better to do than to don a giant cloak and mutter to people passing, "These aren't the droids you're looking for." You have your young parents of 2 poor children--parents who were too lazy to find a sitter so consequently will be scarred for life after having to look into the rotting face of the Emporer and sending lighting bolts into the character that all their favorite toys are based upon. It was pretty much chaos.

As for the movie, it was pretty good. Satisfying if not a bit anticlimactic. But what would you expect when you already know how it ends?

Anni becomes Darth
light sabers whoom, whoom-whoom-whoom
it's a slight thumbs-up

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

a chicken and egg problem

Except that literally, this time, it's a chicken and egg problem. The question being: why doesn't chicken taste more like egg? Or perhaps the question should be: why doesn't egg taste more like chicken? I mean, shouldn't egg salad taste similar to chicken salad (and vice-versa)?

Along those lines, shouldn't the same things taste good on both? So, shouldn't we be rolling eggs around in Shake-n-Bake before we fry them? People use Tobasco and salsa with eggs, sometimes, but it's not really the same kind of buffalo sauce they use on hot wings. And why don't we drink white wine with eggs like we do with chicken? We eat sausage or bacon with eggs, but not with chicken. That would be "two kinds of meat." So why aren't eggs considered meat?

which came first no one
can say, let's fire the grill and
barbeque some eggs

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Unfortunately, it looks like doing this little addition has blown up all my previous comments. What the hey?! I'll work on the problem and see if I can fix it....

Monday humor (on a Tuesday)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Thanks for the chuckle, Seeker

Thursday, May 12, 2005

wedding songs

Coming up on my 1st year anniversary, and preparing to attend a wedding of another friend, the subject of wedding songs has been occupying my mind recently.

Not just wedding songs that I don’t want played (like those really lame ones on the “do not play” list such as Funky Chicken, Macarena, Hokey Pokey, Mony Mony, etc. that I’ve threatened the DJ with). But I mean the all-important 1st dance wedding song that is forever designated as “your song” whenever it comes up in conversation or you happen to hear it over the radio.

My first question: is it all that important? I mean, maybe a lot of gentlemen don’t care about what their song is, or wouldn’t even be able to tell you what song was played at their wedding. But the thing is, if I hadn’t helped in choosing it, I would have ended up with something from Clay Aiken and it would have ruined my entire evening. So I almost had to care.
Besides, I admit that I’ve given it some thought over the years, and I always thought I wanted a song that was different from everyone else’s, that held meaning for us as a couple, and that I personally liked. Well, these criteria help to narrow the list down considerably. Which brings me to…

My second question: is the subject of the song a deal-breaker? I’ve always liked slow songs that had relatively melancholy topics or an air of eeriness about them rather than love, for the sake of love. For instance, I tend to gravitate towards songs like
Tomorrow, Wendy
Here You Me
Champaign High
all songs of which are about loss. Then there’s my other favorite kind of slow tune like
Quicksand Jesus
Home Sweet Home
which are metal-ballads and don’t fall completely in-line with the category of “sweet and melodic.”

Another way to go would be to go with Barry Manilo which some people would immediately cringe at, either because they think his music is lame or because 20 years ago people everywhere used “Weekend in New England” as their song, and it’s just too done already. I admit to having a Barry Manilo in between my Metallica and Tool CD’s, right next to my Abba, so it’s not that I’d be totally displeased with such a selection. But I think I should be a little more original than that. Choosing “Faithfully” from Journey is just so junior high…

Or I could have just thrown caution to the wind and said, “Hey, I happen to really enjoy this song and I don’t care what people say, we’re going to dance to ‘Stinkfist!’”

So to recap, when choosing a wedding song: should the guy care? If so, should he care about the song’s melodic quality? The subject matter? Should he be thinking about originality? Does anyone besides me even remember what wedding song I ultimately chose? Aren't you just dying to know? :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

best quiz ever(?)

I dunno, Wiley. Says I'm sarcastic an cynical. Yeah, whatever! I'm reeeealy impressed.

I am a d8

No use trying to fight it, you're an eight-sided die, a d8. A fine example of simple elegance, the d8 is one of the least appreciated types of dice, and is often neglected. You are known to be quiet and shy, outward traits that conceal viscous sarcasm and mean wit. You are very smart, yet wise enough to hide your intelligence the quicker they found out how smart you are, the sooner they'll put you to work, which is something you can do without. People call you dark and pessimistic, or moody and cynical. You find little point in arguing.

Take the quiz at

(The best part is this explanation at the bottom:)

This survey is completely scientific. Despite the mind-boggling complexity of mankind, the billions of distinctly different personalities found on Earth can easily be divided into seven simple categories that correspond to the five Platonic solids, a pseudo polyhedron, and whatever the hell a d100 is. The results of this quiz should be considered not only meaningful but also infallible, and pertinent to your success as a fully realized individual. If you feel the results of this examination do not match your perceived personality, you should take whatever drastic measures are needed to cram your superego back into proper alignment, as described by the quiz results.

And if you believe that, we have some really great critical-hit insurance to sell you.

Monday, May 09, 2005

college NASCAR

Friends and I were talking the other night about how some of the smaller state schools can expect to compete with the money-making sports that many of the larger schools produce. An extrodinary amount of revenue is generated for those schools who have huge programs in basketball and football. The students and faculty at my school could certainly benefit from that kind of money, which gets diverted into facilities and programs that all campus people benefit from.

So then, what's the deal with NASCAR. I've seen articles that proclaim how NASCAR makes more money, and has a larger U.S. fan base, than any other professional specatator sport. Hunderds of thousands of people participate in these weekly events, and millions more form a TV audience that rake in advertising dollars. So...why not a college racing series? This would be a chance for smaller schools--that have a large contingent of students who are drawn to land-grant and agriculture kinds of places--to earn the kind of dollars in a sport where they might excel at automotive-related events. It could become huge.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Schmidt's lament

I know the movie "About Schmidt" wasn't for everybody, but for me it was one of those pictures that got better the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time I saw it. Especially poignant was the part near the beginning where he narrates his thoughts about what the future held for him as a young man. Paraphrasing, he felt that destiny had hand-picked him to do something special in this world. That somehow he had the feeling that he would accompish something special in his time on earth, that he was tapped by fate to do something [anything] great.

As the movie goes on, we quickly come to realize that a successful stint as an actuary for a large insurance company, a caring wife and an emotionally distant daughter, don't exactly measure to his adolescent expectations of his time on earth. I don't want to argue that being a father or a productive member of society is "important" or "special" in its own right.

Instead, I'm wondering how common is this feeling? Do most people grow up with this same notion? I completely relate to having this feeling as a young man, progressing through school and wondering exactly how destiny had picked me to do something great. As I continued into college, I admit I referenced this feeling less and less, perhaps because I felt that the approaching day must be getting ever closer to where "it" would happen. I would know how my great influence on the world would be felt. Yet I personally knew it wasn't any closer, didn't feel it was right around the corner from me, and even worse I didn't know how to take myself there.

In reflection, these lost feelings of missing destiny's calling might have been part of what took me back into graduate school, thus prolonging my chances yet a few more years to realize what great gift I was supposed to bestow on society. At what point in life do people resign themselves to what they are, or accept what they will be? That perhaps destiny did not tap your shoulder? That you are instead simply one of the vast majority who is to ride in the oceanic tides of human existance, just bobbing along with all the others, letting external forces dictate all of what happens to you and everyone around you?

And more importantly, how are you supposed to feel when you finally accept that your realized existance is nowhere near your previously expected, unfulfilled calling? Is this a trick we play on ourselves, or is this the idea that someone long ago teaches us in the hope that some people, at some time or another, achieve their pre-progammed influences on the rest of society and pass through life altogether satisfied?

{originally posted on March 9, 2004}

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

rise against cranberry

There is just no way, no way that we should be mixing meats and sweet tasty things. I don't know who came up with the whole lamb-and-mint-jelly thing, but I have to draw the line when it comes to wholesome holidays like Thanksgiving. A colleague mentioned today how much she enjoyed cranberry sauce on her turkey. That's just wrong, wrong, wrong. First, I'm pretty sure that the only thing that should be touching the turkey is gravy. Gravy pretty much can go on anything meaty and be okay. But certainly not cranberry.

I think maybe the greatest invention man has ever made isn't the lightbulb, or the computer, or even indoor plumbing. It has to be those sectioned plates that keep the food from touching. I remember as a kid I would eat around every serving carefully avoiding anything that is in close placement to another piece of food. The mixture of tastes was revolting. Those plates that keep the food in their own little compartment...ahhhh, now that's how food was meant to be enjoyed. The folks at Lunchables got it right. Remember the argument, "Well, it all mixes in your stomach anyway." I don't even want to get into the absurdity of that comment. Since when do you taste things in your stomach? Idiocy.

So really, I have nothing against cranberry. The yams are horrible too. If you're going to have yams and cranberry, all I ask is that you use a separate plate for them. And be sure that they don't touch each other, either.