Sheltons Organic Turkey

if I empty out all the unimportant stuff here, maybe there'll be more room in my head for important things

name: shelton brett
location: western u.s.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

rise against cranberry

There is just no way, no way that we should be mixing meats and sweet tasty things. I don't know who came up with the whole lamb-and-mint-jelly thing, but I have to draw the line when it comes to wholesome holidays like Thanksgiving. A colleague mentioned today how much she enjoyed cranberry sauce on her turkey. That's just wrong, wrong, wrong. First, I'm pretty sure that the only thing that should be touching the turkey is gravy. Gravy pretty much can go on anything meaty and be okay. But certainly not cranberry.

I think maybe the greatest invention man has ever made isn't the lightbulb, or the computer, or even indoor plumbing. It has to be those sectioned plates that keep the food from touching. I remember as a kid I would eat around every serving carefully avoiding anything that is in close placement to another piece of food. The mixture of tastes was revolting. Those plates that keep the food in their own little compartment...ahhhh, now that's how food was meant to be enjoyed. The folks at Lunchables got it right. Remember the argument, "Well, it all mixes in your stomach anyway." I don't even want to get into the absurdity of that comment. Since when do you taste things in your stomach? Idiocy.

So really, I have nothing against cranberry. The yams are horrible too. If you're going to have yams and cranberry, all I ask is that you use a separate plate for them. And be sure that they don't touch each other, either.